What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 18.06.2025 00:13
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Why won't my mom let me come home if I'm homeless?
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
My life is so biszare .
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
All the time i was locked up.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
One cannot live in the past .
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
She wouldn,t have been !
How do empaths destroy narcissists?
And i lived it daily.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Why do so many 18 to 29-year-old men struggle in dating?
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
She found it foreign!.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
What causes you to be tired all the time and major headaches?
Comes on , in middle age.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Why is it rare for someone to despise both the Democrats and Republicans?
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Why is blood sugar ranging from 70-180 in a day and checked through a glucometer?
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I never cut or harmed myself..
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Why do many men like women's breasts?
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I couldn’t, believe it.
When she asked me how she looked .
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
As i do to all so called friends.?
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I could never make a relationship work though!
So, i spoilt her more .
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
This is soul school!.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Im still living with it.
I will be 64.
But, we were locked up after school.
I think the readers, may guess!
He resisted the act ,that day.
I was 9 years of age.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
He was dying to do it , i knew.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I had hoped to write a book about this .
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Would this be the day?
I was very sick at this time too.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I said to her
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I waited trembling.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Put me off passion for life!!
Especially a lifetime of it.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Why did i forgive my father ?
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I don,t even have a pension.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
We were not on the streets..
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
It was going to be , some day.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
But it wasn’t much.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
My family never makes their pension either.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I was seconnd youngest,
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
She loved him until the end.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I write beautiful poetry .
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Who then, do I blame.?
She married twice! .
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Was to survive, this bastard.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I have no regrets .
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
He knew the spot.
What did i know ?
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
We all went to grammer schools
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
She was in good health!
(And it was in our own minds.)
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Ive learnt so much.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
So whats the point in blame.
I was scared of men, in general
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.